new layout

so this new layout... i like it.

i went to hannibal today, something that i am subjected to every major holiday, and several times inbetween. it's not that i dislike seeing my family, it's just that i hate that town. it is everything in the world that i have spent my life trying to get away from, it is a nightmare of a place to get stuck and not be able to get out. i am so, so thankful that my parents took us out of there.

i started running again yesterday, and it made me question why i took a week-long break. but first they had that concrete sidewalk up to the upper parking lot blocked off, so i kind of went on the grass on the edge, but i got attacked by branches and stuff and it was not fun. and then, i went to cut through by the fartlek field to get back up to the flag pole, and they still had that blocked off. but i didn't see anybody, so i ducked under and tried to get through, when i discovered that what i had mistaken for mud was really "i'm going to eat you alive" mud. the kind that you just sink into and it makes a horribly disgusting noise when you pry your shoes from its grasp. and there were geese that did not like my presense, and when i tried to run away, they kind of stared honking and chasing me. but they didn't keep that up for long. so i finally got done, and my sparkly white shoes are no longer white and sparkly, and my legs were drenched with mud and dirt and sand. it felt like cross country again.

pablo

so emily gave me "marley and me" for christmas, and i dug into it as soon as the wrapping paper and those ridiculous bows she insisted on putting on every freaking present were cleared away. and it was amazing. i started to fall for this dog (not in a creepy way) and i just loved him. marley is messed up. he eats walls and doors and doesn't do anything right. but did that make his owners love him any less? no. because a lot of people would have just given him to the pound. but he's a pet. and pets are forever. you can't take back kids, so why would you a dog? it really made me think about how much a part of the family pablo is.

so here it is, an entire post dedicated to my very special little four legged friend, because no one ever sees him because he's so special, so no one really knows much about the mysterious pablo.

i remember when we got him. there were people down the street with an adorable little chiuiuia (we've had him forever and i still can't spell that) and we wanted him so we just went. and he was this tiny little ball of fluff with deep eyes that pleaded with us to take him home. and we did. he had a hard time adjusting, and we soon realized just how important it was for him to be taken away from his old owners. whennever he saw his old owner, he tucked his tail between his legs and hung his head and tried to hide. he was terrified of doorways and garages. it didn't take long for us to realize that those bastards had abused him. so that's why he's so crazy and unstable, because he had a really traumatic puppyhood. we talked to a dog physcologist, who told us to imagine as though someone had beat us everyday until the age of five. that's how it was for pablo.

and he's still crazy, though he has gotten better. he hates strangers, though he kinds of warms up to them after a while. katie and carrie have been granted to honor of him allowing them to pet him and sat on katie's lap for a while. but he used to be a lot worse, so he's better now. he likes all of my dad's brothers, save for the only one that really wants the pablo approval.

but while he barks and freaks out at everyone else, he doesn't act like that to us. when it's just us at home, that dog is amazingly adorable. his energy has diminshed over the years, but he still leaves scuff marks on the carpet (not like scuff marks scuff marks, just when like the carpet turns a darked color because you messed with it or something and if you touch it it changes... i don't know) by sprinting everywhere when he's hyper. and when you're sick, he will plop himself down right next to you and lick you and he puts his ears back like he feels sorry for you. it's just adorable. in the morning, he gets really excited to see you and jumps up and down and when you sit down he gets on your lap and puts his face right up next to your face and licks you and is just genuinely happy to see you. he's always so freaking cute. when you pet him and stop, he puts his head under your hand and kind of flips it up to get you to keep going. he sits in your lap and just up with you and actually grins (no kidding, he does this smile thing. it's weird.) and then throws his head down on your shoulder.

seriously. how cute is he?!

and marley and me really made me think about this. the entire book is basically about marley the dog, and about how pets are pets forever and how much dogs impact your life. and it's such an amazing book that if you read it and it doesn't make you stop and think for like, ever, about how much you love your dog then you're crazy.

it's also one of the saddest books i've ever read (and that's no spoiler because every single review will tell you that). i was sobbing. and i just don't do that. some books make me tear up, some make legit water come out of my eyes, but this one made me have to put it down and get tissues and stop and just sob. when makes me love it so much more. truly amazing book.

so now i'm excited to watch the movie.

I JUST CAN'T CONTAIN THE EXCITMENT

ok. so the other night i had this freaking amazingly detailed dream. and i woke up like "woah what the hell" and immediately typed out what happened in the dream on my phone. and somehow it's formulated itself into a novel idea.
and wow.
it's different, something that my consious mind probably would not be able to cook up. but i like it. a lot. in fact, i've been disloyal to my nano and have started writing this one, because the feelings of the dream are still fresh in my mind and i'm just so excited.
i can't wait until finals are over to get to work on this; i am seriously jumping up and down with anticipation.

and because something special is in two hours and five minutes....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARRIE!
i am making it my mission tomorrow morning to hunt clark down and tell him to wish you a happy birthday. i'll give him your phone number and have him call you, and tell him that he needs to drop by the party. i'm actually pretty excited for this. and if i actually do catch him, and he does have some interaction with you because of it, you owe me. big time.

general end of the year note

While normally I put out an end of the year email, I'd rather just put it here this year. But this isn't the post where I'm going to do that. No, I'm much too lazy.

But, instead, I have a few general notes about finals and school and Christmas.

Finals:
History:
Holy crap. I nearly died over studying for history. A combined nine or ten hours, not counting looking back over stuff at every free moment I had. And am I happy with my B? Not at all. I'm angry with myself and I wish I had worked harder over the course of the semester. But that's alright, I'll take it because it's not a C.

English:
So. Easy. 132/140? Hell yes! I'm really happy with this, and I kind of crammed about forty words into my head the night before with a million memory devices.

Newspaper:
Really, Sonius? Really? Easy. I finished a hundred questions in about a half hour or forty five minutes.

Alg 2/Trig:
Not overly worried. I don't think there's any possible way for me to get an A, but I'll deal with that. I can get a C to still get a B in the class, though, and with my math skillz, I'll probably need that option.

Biology:
Yeah. Not worried. At all.

Personal Finance:
Some people have called it easy. Some called it hard. I don't know. But I think I'm fine in there. Besides, Mrs. Scott likes me, so I think she'd help me get an A if it came to that.

Spanish:
LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

I am so ready for break and Christmas. Emily and I spent three and a half hours wrapping last night and my mom is getting really annoying with talking about how she wants one of the things that she got me and it's really driving me crazy. But I love Christmas. Not because of presents, but it's just this big happy holiday where everyone (in my family, at least) stops to think about what it means. And the lights are pretty and the food is good and everything's just so bubbly. I love Christmas.

So last night, I got a running jacket that is an odd green color but I like it because it's different, and a hat with ear flaps that don't have the little danglies, because those just look really annoying. So I will be warm when I finally convince myself to run.

delayed nano euphoria and i am so tired

oh my god. it just hit me. it took forever, but it finally sunk in that i won nano. i have opened my manuscript for the first time since last week, and i took one look and just... freaked out. screaming included. i was excited when i won, but not really. i kind of just felt relieved. but now... yeah, i get it.

today's been pretty eventful. i'd like to say that i am DONE with christmas shopping... except for my dad. he's so difficult. but that means that presents for my friends and my mom and my sister are all safely upstairs, tucked away in a corner where no one can see them.

also, i got new running shoes :D they are be-oooot-iful. brooks adreniline. yeah, google them. ("adreniline rush... you can google it..." oh, crappypatty. you're still crappy). YAY. i've needed new ones for a while, and i'm pretty freaking happy.

my computer fucking hates me. i can't get online anymore, and my dad's just given up becaues it's just... ugh. at least i had it for a while (um, a week lol) but my mom was saying that before i basically stole it from carrie they were considering a shiny laptop christmas present....

i. hate. the. english. revision. i'm doing lotf over again, and i'm just... pissed. very very pissed. how the hell are you supposed to get TWO clear points across?! it's stupid to put your opinion together with how the author sees it, and have to have seperate things and quotes proving his thoughts and just... no.

i am so tired. i got up way too early for a weekend and i'm happy, yet mad, yet... tired.

the writing world

the world of writing is pretty nice place to be right now.

reason numero uno es: HOLY CRAP I WON NANOWRIMO!!! WAAAAH!!!!!!
seriously. so happy right now. carrie and i had an epic dance fest in my backyard when i hit the 50k mark. oh my god. YES!

reason numero dos: i'm glad to be taking a step back from my nano to start on a nano project, even though this new project is pretty pointless. just lame little fluffy christmas short stories. but it sounds like fun to do short, cheery little stories, because that is the complete opposite of my nanovel.

also... IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!!!!

Cliche, But I'm Doing It Anyway

so, it's almost thanksgiving.
and you probably already know what to expect, but i'm going to do it anyway.

what i am thankful for: 2008
-i am thankful for my parents. they're obnoxious. ocassionally really mean. loud. annoying. but so, so wonderful. my parents were talking to me about my nano last night, and i was just swelling up with all od this appreciation for them that i wanted to cry. some kids don't get that. i get so, so mad at them sometimes, but my parents are so amazing. some parents beat or kill their kids, and i don't think about just how wonderful mine are, and how blessed i am often enough. they feed me good food, clothe me in nice clothes (even if they do say something about it at the time) buy me books, come and get me every day after school, help me with whatever i need, love me, and care for me. and what more do i need? my parents are my rocks, and i need to appreciate that more.

-my sister. yeah, we scream and fight and yell. she pisses me off in ways that no one else ever can. but she's amazing. even if she is busy and grumpy, she is there for me. whenever anything happens, i go to her. she has the experience of an old person, the intelligence of someone who's been through it all, and the love that only a sister can give you. sure, we spend most of our time fighting. but who is it that watches movies with me at 3 am? her. who is it, that if i'm upset, no matter how busy she is, she will drop everything for? her. who is it that knows me better than anyone and is an amazing person? her. i'm growing a bit weary of having her around all of the time, but i don't really mind when i stop to think about it. even if she has totally taken over my bathroom, taken my tv room away from me, and has caused me to have to rearrange my freaking room to get the stupid couch out of the tv room (which she has taken from me, as mentioned above) and get it to go nicely into my room, i love her.

-my friends. we fight (well, i fight with some of them. because others are skilled in tae kwon do, and could therefore kick my ass. and one of those skilled tkd masters i fight with anyway. but i'll shut up now.) we get annoyed, we get mad, and i make them (well, just molly and maggie) take me basically everywhere. but my friends are truly so important to me. because i know that they're going to be there for me, no matter what. these moments of complete happiness come from screaming singing in a car late at night, watching a movie and not being able to understand it because i am laughing so hard, and not being able to run because i am on the ground, rolling with laughter. and even though a lot of it is all fun and games, it isn't always. i get into deep philosophical discussions with carrie, and i cry in front of her more than i would like to admit. this comes from that complete comfort you get with a person, when you can be so weak in front of them and know that it's ok. i seriously owe so much to you guys. to carrie and katherine, for being there on one of the worst fucking nights of my life; to carrie, who has shown me that adventure is satisfying and freeing, and for teaching me the true meaning of a lot of things; to maggie, for not lashing out at me even when i am a total annoying idiot and for being someone that i can switch from laughing with to talking about something serious in like 2.9 seconds; to molly, for being someone that i can laugh with, but will also shield me, like in that completely embarassing post conference race state that i was in... that was embarassing; to megan, for being completely hilarious and caring at the same time, and for showing me that obsession isn't always creepy. except that it is. and for being the best mormon; to laura, for being adorable and smart and amazing, she can be anything at any time: a good laugh, or a shoulder to lean on (edit on december 13th... laura completely surprised me today my remembering what kind of cancer my mom had, and i only mentioned it to her once like two years ago. which makes laura amazing and one of the closest listeners ever); to hope, for also being adorable (THOMAS!) and also being so incredibly easy to talk to and comforting, all while being silly; and even to connor, for remaining my friend through all of the troubles that we have had, and for responding whenever i'm upset or need someone to talk to. and finally to audrey, who has been there longer than anyone (save for emily) and knows me so well, still able to be a friend to me, even if we are seperated by a two day drive. friendship is so important to me, and i know that i'm not a very easy person, because i am so unbelievably awkward, but i love you guys.

-being here. in all of the senses of here. i am thankful to be alive, i am thankful to be in america, and i am thankful to live where i do. i've struggled a lot with coming to terms of being here, in all of these senses (except for the america part. i don't want to live in russia.) but now that i have evolved from that, each day (here's where i get all cliche and weird) is truly a gift, and something that i should appreciate more. because you never know when everything could end, or when your world could be thrown through a spiral. i don't wake up and think "wow! today's a new day that i have so graciously been given! i think i'll make the best of it!" no, i wake up thinking "what the #&*#%( it is NOT time to get up yet you ()&#$)*^#$ phone alarm. gezz, where the (&#)$ are you! SHUT THE (&)#%* UP! IT'S COLD!" but once my mind is clear and fully awake, i really should be more appreciative to the day. ok, the annoyingly optimistic stuff ends now.

-the fact that i have everything that i need, and so much of what i don't. i take this for granted, too. because not everyone has 3 meals a day, with about 15 snacks inbetween. not everyone has a house to keep them warm and safe, and not everyone is as well off as i am. an teenagers, we take so much, but don't really think about it. at least, i don't. i thank my parents after them buying me something, because i am thankful, but i don't think about how there are so many people in the world that will never be able to do something like go to a mall. only a third of the world has a clean place to go to the bathroom. isn't that sad? it's depressing and heart wrenching. a bathroom! it's something that we all have several of, and some people have never even seen one! i am thankful that i have so much, that i have been given so much, and that i have the oppourtunity to be so much.

and i'll post more later.

on a nano note:
i've reached that place. the place that i didn't even know existed. i've reached a point where i have become so completely absorbed in my novel, that literally every second of the day, i think about it. numerous playlists on my ipod and realplayer. notes scribbled down. mysterious novel boy, who seems to have just stepped out of my computer and into my world. that odd license plate, which read the original last name of a character in my novel (which i had to change, but saying why i did would give everything away. aha! a hint!). and i'm always trying to see things from the perspective of my main character. i feel kind of bad, because i basically put these kids through hell, but i love them anyway. the possibly-physcotic and definetly dangerous one. the overly sweet one. the obnoxious, stuck up one. the too shy, deep thinking, unable o control anything one. i love them. it feels weird, sometimes, to think that you're in control of what happens. because i've kind of grown to see them as people over characters, and it's so strange to be controlling them. but i've reached this point in my nano where i am absoluetly obsessed. i will just sit there, thinking about it. completely and totally obsessed. i love this place!

weekend

i had never seen west side story until last night, and i have to say, that is one of the funniest things that i have ever seen.

my parents got me a new microsoft office thing (because i was still using the version from 2000), and holy shit it's so cool. there's this thing called one note that you have like folders and tabs in the folders and sub things in the tabs and it's got like a pen paint thing and it's pretty neat. i've got my research project all set up under it. and the word thing is all different and cool.... yeah.

i became very happy when i went to go run, and then decided to ask my mom if she had a beanie, because my ears get really cold when i run, and she gave me one. my ears were nice and toasty.

TONIGHT WILL BE THE NIGHT THAT I WILL FALL FOR YOU

...OVER AGAIN!!!! how did i just learn of this song? seriously obsessed. i love music.

last night was the xc banquet. and i had fun, and it made me miss laughing with the team and having fun. but, really, it made me really, really glad that the season is over. of course, i love the team and i would not trade the season for anything. but i didn't do as well as i wanted to in most of my races. in fact, i was really only happy with 3. and i have no one to blame for that but myself, and i'm not really the type to dwell on such things, but that really destroyed my image of the season. i love the girls and i love the team and i love cross country, but i had no sorrow over saying goodbye until next year.

english research paper. i'm actually not that worried about it. i picked a topic (bilingual education) that i feel really, really, REALLY strongly about (like everyone knows that i hate politics, but i get really heated up about some stuff-- like this) which was not advised, but i think that i can present the opposing side with an equal balance. that's basically that only think that i'm worried about with it, though. it seems to be broken up sensibly and evenly enough that it will be manageable. and i think that it will prepare me for college papers, which will probably only ever get done seven hours before they're due, hunkering down under a swingy desk lamp and under the influence of a million gallons of coffee and powerade. i'm kind of looking forward to that, actually....

speaking of college, i've been looking up about mizzou, and oh my god, i am going to be the biggest freaking wreck if i don't get into the journalism school. it's going to be terrible. i will refeuse to get out of bed for a week. a month. my mom says that if i go to a different college (like not a state one... a community or something like that) that they have to take you or something, but i'm not so sure about that. and i don't want to do to some non-state college. i feel like the biggest nerd getting worried about this right now, but oh my god. my mom got excited about mizzou xc camp this summer, too. my... something. cousin-like person? mom's cousin's daughter? i don't know. is in the j school over there and i'm going to talk to her about what she did to make herself stand out and such. if i step it up NOW and don't do anything stupid for the next few years, i think i'll be good. and mizzou actually costs less than the school in florida i wanted to go to. oh my god i am getting so excited about something that's years away. it's keymash time, but i just feel lame doing that right now lol.

and hey, don't make me change my mind or i won't live to see another day i swear it's true!
secondhandserenadeisamazing.

the lorelai effect

i have been cursed by "the lorelai effect"
the lorelai effect goes as follows:
on gilmore girls, lorelai is starting to plan her wedding with luke when, out of nowhere, she and sookie pass by a bridal shop, and there, right there, is the most beautiful, most perfect wedding dress she has ever seen. they go in, and it's just perfect, everything she's ever wanted. and, somehow, it is in her size. and then, the church has an opening and a sale, the flowers are on sale, and everything just falls into place in one day. and she has the dress that she has always wanted and the flowers she wants and the most beautiful church and a date (june third) and she is worried that things are going oto perfectly. well, after that, she finds out about luke's daughter and things her weird and they end up breaking up (driving her into the arms of the horrible chirstopher, then turns to her marrying him and he's a real idiot and a jerk and i hate that guy. but that has nothing to do with this.) but that episode was on earlier this week and it freaking cursed me.

ok. so my week started off so perfectly, with meeting hank and john. and i was on this incredible high that i floated around on and i was so over the top. and then on tuesday, obama got elected, and i know none of my friends like him, but it really, really do and i was so proud that my country had made a choice that will save us from the spiral that we are falling down and restore my faith in the country and humanity. so i was floating around on that on top of my hank and john high. and on wednesday, i messed up during a math test, but i was still just so happy and exuberant that it didn't bother me. i surged ahead on nanowrimo and floated around on that. but yesterday, i messed up really badly on another part of my math test (but thomas totally restored my happiness) and then found out that i didn't have a ride to state tomorrow. but i thought, yeah, ok, i can get one tomorrow (tomorrow being today). i went home to write, and ..... nothing. absoluetly nothing. there was a sudden knowledge of how my story will end while coming home, but i can't write that yet. and still today... nothing. and on the ride front: nothing. no one. i don't get to go. i don't get to see one of my favorite people (laura) race, i don't get to see ross and eric. i've been looking forward to this since the season started. so i have been cursed (not curse of the sweatshirt) by my favorite tv show. thanks, lorelai. plus, i'm not feeling too well. i am a very angry and very upset person right now.

NERDFIGHTERS

ok, so a nano post later because monday night was the most amazing thing ever:


carrie and i got there early (sorry for basically shoving you out the door, carrie) and got there and followed a nerdfighter to where we were supposed to be. and then we ran in and i nabbed the best seats there were. we met our nerdfighter twins! and then carrie and beth had to go to the bathroom, but they came squealing back in after about ten seconds, screaming that hank and john were out there. so katherine and i went out, and this is basically how it went:

*edge out, see them, feel incredibly stupid, turn bright red*

john: hi!

me: ......hi...... can i take a pre-picture?

john: sure!

*hank comes out of nowhere*

me: hi hank! *take picture, run away*

end scene.

i was so happy! when they came in, i'm sure that i looked like an idiot, smiling like crazy. but john asked for paper towns, and i leapt up and almost threw my copy at him. i thought, at the time, that i was being quite calm and cool, but now my memory tells me that the book was a dart and john was a bullseye. but anyway. they were amazing. john had deep rambles about deep things that made me explode with happiness! and hank sang and bounced up and down the whole time. it was the best thing ever. i can't even describe how happy i was. i would videotape it for a few minutes, and it was so normal to me to see them in a little screen that i didn't really think about it. then i would look up, and the screen was gone but they were not. that was when i would freak out again.
when they signed my books, i about had a heart attack. john told carrie that she was a great american by having about 20 million copies of his books, and he told me that his books didn't reach their full potential until readers like me read them! (and i saw a video in which he was actually being a bit passive towards a group of girls- admittably, they were being pretty creepy, but still that made me feel cool)
when i got my picture taken with them, i felt like this moment that i had been waiting for for so long (although not as long as hope!) was finally there, and then i hugged them (feeling a bit bad that i had to stand on my very tippy toes and they still had to lean down so far) and just... IFHOERW!!!!
i can't describe it with words. (besides, all those have been used up by nanowrimo).


update: with the color of this text and the color of the header, this post is nick bonner.

nano and TOMORROW

i'm already struggling with nano. i wrote over 2000 words yesterday, and today i wrote under the required 1667. i am exactly at the point that i should be at, but that means that i didn't do so well today. and tomorrow is going to be really difficult, because.....
OH MY GOD HANK AND JOHN TOMORROW
i am so fan girly excited right now. it's kind of ridiculous. but WOWZERS i am happy. this is going to be one of the best days in the history of the world. we are really going to meet them. and hug them. and take pictures with them. and get paper towns signed. OH MY GOD.
i have been waiting for this day since i first heard "accio deathly hallows" in orchestra last year. and i owe it all to carrie. she is the best person in the world for introducing me to this awesome world of awesome people that makes me so over the top happy. but let's not get mushy now.
i found videos on youtube from where john was on blogtv introducing the dates and remembering how excited i was.
"on monday november third we will almost definetly be in st. louis missouri, on tuesday november fourth we will... [blah blah blah]"
except that all i heard that day was "st. louis missouri... IHHN IKOEWR HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD OH MY GOD MOM!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
eep. i am still flipping out.
22 HOURS AND 34 MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so ready for nano

in 28 hours, nano will begin.

and i am so excited!

an amazing wave of inspiration crashed over me today (in personal finance, of all places) and now i have almost everything straightened out. it's surprising when your characters tap you on the shoulder and say "um, are you stupid? this is what really happened..." and now i am so ready to get started. this year will be a million times better than the disaster of last year... let's not even talk about that one. but right now, nanoworld is a very nice place to be.

november third is NINE DAYS AWAY!!!!!!
dsfhoierw so excited

barnes and noble is moving, so they have this huge sale, and i got a big dictionary/thesaurus/atlas thing for like 5 dollars and a writing handbook for about 4. i tried to get a quill, but my mom told me to put it down. and i am PUMPED for nano. my plot isn't as thin this year, and i'm trying to actually have a point in this one. i've compiled a nano bag, with the books i got today, my flip dictionary, pens, a notebook, and candy. the search is still on for a fancy schmancy cool notebook, though. i remember these notebook things that were dry-erase, and i want one of those, but i can't find one. i'm going to check office depot.

life of pi is amazing! this is so well written, and it's fantabulous. the english assingment is helping me humanize richard parker, too, which i kind of need because i hate that tiger and i don't like it when that happens.

which brings me to paper towns. i like the basic plot. i love the writing- john green is amazing, and his style is just phenomenal. but i don't like the characters. it's still good, i just didn't like it very much. and that is nothing against john- i still love him. i just don't love his characters.

new hobby

so i was watching this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coWGNrsNG3Y

and clicked the button below the comment box to comment, but didn't see that it had been changed to an "audio preview" until my computer screamed at me. then i got creative. and have been for a little while now. this is so amusing!!! i started off with random things, like "your mom's face is a tuba" and then i got pretty creative. the guy will curse, too, which i didn't think would happen.
it's my new hobby.

goals update

so back in august i made up my list of goals for this year. and i'm looking back over them:

school goals:
*no b's. well, actually, because of fucking history, i'm not sure how well this is going to go this time. i actually believe that i have a chance in every class but history. so, as a revision: all a's and h's in everything but history. which leaves me with only one chance for an h, but i don't care.
*at least one h. well, english is usually my best subject. and i feel like i've been applying myself a lot more this year. so maybe?
*history club. yeah, um, about that...

running:
*6:45 mile. i haven't timed anything lately. that was more for track.
*24:00 5k. i actually thought i had a chance at this yesterday. but no, i had to screw everything up. i was so stupid that i want to cry. i had nothing to drink all day, except for a few swigs of water and a glass with breakfast. so i was dehydrated. and i raced in wet socks. wet socks! even after michelle gave me dry ones. what the hell is wrong with me? that was the worst race ever. i felt better after sioux passage. i finished and almost started throwing up and crying. i couldn't even pr. i can do it at sioux passage, but not mcnair? seriously? i'm still pretty upset and furious with myself, and i really hope i reach this goal next week at borderwar.

misc.:
*get 50k for nano. well, i have an idea for my story, but it's still october.
*at least one article in the pathfinder. i don't think i realized that everyone's story gets in when i wrote these. and carrie, someone in my class brought up how your story was missing, and sonius was like "what?! but...!" and i'm still so sorry for that, because your story was so good.
*act's. well, apparently you take those next year.

brain dump:
i was reading january posts of carrie's blog (trying to remind myself that i like her, even though my english essay is a rotting piece of shit that will go un-revised by her) and she was talking about "brain dumping," so here goes:
well, i've had a pretty bad weekend. the meet was hell, so i was kind of looking forward to the team dinner. but i spent like a half hour being the only person there, and erin and i were just walking around like "so, um..." and that was pretty awkward. but once everyone (which was only 9 othr girls. that's pretty sad.) got there, things got better. but then i noticed kind of how split up our team is. erin, grace, and natalie talked. laura and i talked. michelle, ashley, and ellen talked. and laura (r) kind of jumped in when she could. it was weird. we spent basically the whole time talking, but not as a team. that kind of makes me sad. we're so split up and i didn't even notice it. but i did have fun. erin's mom made amazing pasta and death by chocolate, and ellen brought these chocolates that were seriously amazing. it was kind of awkward, though, when i tried to walk home and natalie and grace jumped up, talking about kidnappers, and insisted upon walking me home. they talked and i walked.
and today i went for a walk with my parents in a nature reserve place thing, which was pretty cool. the marker said it was a mile and a half, but i think it was more like 3 miles. but my dad pointed out this cave he went in once, and i climbed around on the rocks. it was really nature-y and neat.
but when we got home i had to work on my essay, with edits that were un-specific and made me want to scream. i tried to work and eventually saw that there was nothing else i could do.
so homework and the meet have overpowered the good things about this weekend.
i am not ready for school tomorrow. i need more rest.

waaa!!

why i'm happy:
*I CAN RUN!!! slowly, but i'll take what i can get. i still can't go with my normal group, but i am happy to be able to do something. hopefully i'll feel better by saturday, or i'm screwed.
*the xc hoodies are so flipping cool.
*molly and i want to do a half marathon in december, and although i know it's going to take some hard-core pushing until december if i want to actually run a respectable amount of it, but i looked the race up online and i'm so excited. this is going to be AWESOME.
*the weather is so nice!!!

why i'm not happy:
*i didn't apply myself at all with that english essay. i'm going to have to do a lot of work this weekend. i didn't even address my "so what?" question until my final paragraph.
*myspace music changed their layout for music players. and it's annoying.

meet

i was so happy at the meet today.

carrie did FABULOUSLY and was fast like nuts and i'm so proud! *sniffle* i told you you'd do well.

i also think that maggie pr'd! (ok seriously, how do you spell that?) and, apparently, by a lot. i heard a discussion to cutelli and i heard "23" being tossed around a lot. if i got a time in the 23's, i would be so happy. yay maggie!

and megan, who pr'd from last year by 10 minutes. i have to say, i would give a lot to pr by 10 minutes. you've been doing so well megan!!!!

i love you guys. you blow my mind with your speediness.

CONVALESCENTS SHALL RETURN! hopefully.

note my change of layout... i like this one. plus, i can start using different text colors. the green and purple is getting a bit old.

xc thoughts

i kind of forgot that i had a blog.
so homecoming was ok. it wasn't as much fun as last year's dances, but it wasn't horrible. i had more fun at the before and after parties and at the meet than i did at the dance, though. i wish i had felt better, because i feel like i could have had a lot more fun.

there seems to be a massive amount of xc people unable to run, and i am not happy about cutelli's "no runinng" plan. i know that rest is the best way to recover, but i am so upset that i have to miss the meet tomorrow and can't run until monday. i'm going to flip out if i still can't run on monday, because right now it feels like it's going to take longer than that to feel better. i don't want to take time off!!! i've pushed myself so much to get to this point, and if i get slower i'm going to flip. DAMN YOU KNEES!!! what makes me even more sad though is laura. she's hurt worse than i am and has put way more than i have into it. laura has to run! she's too adorable not to.

also on an xc note...
CARRIE I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! running varsity. *sniffle* little carrie's all grown up! expect me to be around every corner yelling random things at you "keep it up carrie! carrots are orange! let's go carrie! arnold had a football head! aaaaaaa!!!" i can get annoying. but i am still against those damn cowbells, so i'm not as bad as molly.

be proud of me. i actually have studied for the history test. if i fail, i'm going to put it on the book, because it's so freaking confuisng.

november 08 <3

i am looking forward to november so much.
november 1st: sectionals- molly and laura!!! and katherine's party.
november 3rd: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i could scream forever about this. nothing could ever describe how estatic i am about getting to meet john and hank. i think about it and i start screaming.
november 8th: state!!!!!! i'm pretty excited about this, too. molly and laura racing at state!!!
november 13th-16th: national journalism conference!!! i've already talked to my parents about this, and they seem pretty excited to let me go. yay!
november 27th: i love thanksgiving
november 28th: TSO!!! i'm super excited for the concert. my dad hasn't gotten tickets yet, but they just went on sale and, honestly, they didn't sell very quickly last year.
all month: NANOWRIMO!!!!!!!! i'm very eager for this year because last year was just pathetic.
i hope all of the other months aren't jealous that i love november so much.

spikes!

i got my spikes today :)
they're florescent blue and florescent yellow adidas. and then the guy said that they were out of their spike bags (which i wasn't going to complain about, because those things aren't very good) so they were giving people saucony ones instead. and these had a shirts, socks, and stickers inside! so i got (for free!) a nicely sturdy spike bag, a blue shirt that says "RMAO" and has runners on the front, and on the back it says what that stands for- Run My A** Off. and the stickers say that too. so i was pretty happy :)
it's so nice outside! yesterday morning when i ran it was 54 degrees. i was so happy! and i just looked up the forecast and the low for tuesday is 48! i'm tired of it being hot. although i love shorts and tank tops and being warm, it just gets too warm. and i love hoodies and fleece pants and fireplaces and waking up to snow with a lack of school. but then i get bored with the cold. i like autumn and spring- not too cold, not too hot, and you're just happy that the weather is changing.
i hope we didn't have homework this weekend, because if we did, i forgot to do it.

meet

i remember exactly how nervous i was before my first track meet. it was that stomach twisty feeling that makes you think you have to pee, and also like you're falling.
and i am also certain that i felt five times as nervous yesterday befor the xc meet. there was a point in which i was literally shaking. but as it did with track meets, this went away the instant the gun went off. we started off as a whole p. west group until it thinned out a little bit, and i noticed that i was not next to the girls i had planned on running with. somehow, i had mistaken nicole for maggie, and when i noticed this i was pretty mad at myself. so i kind of pushed my way up ahead, but i couldn't catch up with maggie, which was kind of my goal. it was a very uninteresting course, and that made things a bit boring. but i got all sneaky, almost tiptoeing up on girls and running into the weeds to pass them. and cutelli was more competitive than i thought he would be. but i was happy with where i finished and i don't think i'll get as nervous again. next week's a HUGE meet though, it really is one of the biggest in the midwest. i don't expect to do overly well there, since there's going to be so much more competition.
i'm getting spikes tomorrow :)

interview

interviewing yourself is an awesome blog format.

q: so, amy, do you still have a michael phelps thing?
a: isn't he coming out on a wheaties box? i don't even like wheaties, but i'm going to buy that. and, eventually, i'm getting that one shirt. it has his face on it. i want to walk around with michael phelps's face on my shirt!

q: do you realize how weird that is?
a: deal.

q: so, got a homecoming dress yet?
a: YES. it's amazing. i'm actually looking forward to wearing this dress more than the dance.

q: what color are your shorts?
a: some weird purply color! it's amazing!

q: what's tomorrow?
a: why, i believe it's free hug day! which should get moved to september 2nd, due to the lack of school on the first.

q: is this weird?
a: um, yeah.

q: should it continue?
a: duh!

q: so, what kind of coffee did you have today?
a: cookie coffee! it was iced and had oreos in it! so good!

q: can you shut up now?
a: fine.

i got lost in love and shagged at school and HOLY CRAP JOHN AND HANK

at xc the girls that could drive went to go over to their cars to go to castlewood, and carrie, molly, and maggie went to follow meredith. caroline, megan and i, of course, chased after them because, hey, we like riding with meredith. so we left and got onto manchester, and she turned and i was like "it this where it is?" but i figured that my dad's map thing sent him a million miles away that one time he took me there. but then we pulled into a park and started to drive around. there was no one there, so we were like "oh, we must be the first ones here." and we kind of drove around until we figured that we had left after several people. so caroline called aimee, and she said that they weren't there yet, but we were meeting at the 2nd pavillion. we went back to both pavillions, and there was no one there. it really did not look like castlewood, so i asked meredith if she was sure it was. she said that it was, so i was like "ok, i really know nothing anyway." and caroline pointed out that she remembered the bathrooms. but it really was starting to be weird, and meredith started second guessing herself, so caroline called aimee again. and we were definetly in the wrong place.
we pulled out of the park and looked back to see the name of it. the sign said "love park," and we all burst out laughing like nuts. meredith was kind of embarassed, but we kept saying that we really did think it was amazing. so caroline was tryign to get directoins from cutelli via phone, and she really is not good at directions lol so cutelli's like "just go home!" and meredith took us back to the school and she went home. we went down to the track (with a true intention of running) and actually ended up walking. but we shagged 1! we felt cool.
i was still in a good mood until my parents wouldn't let me go to caroline's house to see a movie with the rest of the sophmore xc girls. but then i got on youtube and hank said he was on blogtv. i was, of course, in a waiting room, but he said that john was announcing tour de nerdfighting dates today!
so after practice (800 repeats at 6am.... wtf....) i got on blogtv, shaking (literally) with anticipation, and then john started listing, and he goes "we will definetly be on november third in st. louis..." and i jumped up and started SCREAMING. like at the top of my lungs screeching and jumping. OH. MY. GOD.
WE'RE GOING TO MEET HANK AND JOHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOVEMBER THIRD. OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
allow me to fangirl. i'm incredibly happy at the moment.

um?

i fail at posting.
and, apparently, i fail at pool too. katelyn kicked my ass last night.

current anger:
i so don't want to go to school tomorrow
i'm hungry and can't find anything that i want to eat
wtf shin?!

current happy:
PLAIN WHITE T'S
today is both john green and rupert grint's birthdays! one incredibly intelligent guy that writes beautifully and one incredibly beautiful younger guy that is an incredible actor and i have loved since i was 8.
possibly getting a new car. sweet.

the point of this post? nothing. i'm so bored. but i like being bored.
i was looking back over my yearbook from last year, and i have to say, i had a pretty good year. and i think i've changed a lot sicne the beginning of last year. i used to be kind of timid and now i'm just annoyingly loud. i'm maybe not as focused on my studies anymore, but i kind of try to be. my fashion sense is so much better (it has especially changed a lot since i moved here. i did not know anything in 8th grade.) i want this year to be ever better! let's make this our best year ever. let's put our all into our various sports, make those grades without killing ourselves, and get involved more. let's get into nhs. let's have parties and let's be as careless as teenagers are supposed to be (but not in a stupid way. because we're not stupid.) let's make this one count.

i'm pretty pissed that harry potter isn't coming out until july. that's a whole year away. fuck you, wb. and what's adding insult to injury, the twilight movie is coming out on november 21st now. that was harry's spot. i'm kind of over twilight. breaking dawn set me over the edge, and i just don't care anymore. bella is stupid, edward's a stalking creeper, jacob falls in love with babies, and stephenie meyer is so stuck up. if i see the movie, i'd probably end up throwing something at the screen. but i seriously cannot wait for harry potter! i love love the sixth book. carrie is strongly against harry/ginny, but i love that. i never saw it coming and when harry first started to like it, the big "duh" hit me like a ton of bricks. and i find ron/lavender pretty funny. but does this mean that the second part of the 7th movie won't come out until 2012 now? we'll be in college then! and they started when we were in 3rd grade! this series has taken way too long to produce as movies.
rambling, amy? yes.

http://www.last.fm/music/Ministry+of+Magic

new school year

i miss summer.
what's not fair: my friends in tampa started school yesterday and got a hurricane day today. they got their second day off! and i have to wait until like december until snow days. not. fair.

so most of my teachers seem ok. and the classes don't feel like they're going to kill me. it's just the fact that i have to be there. i love summer, having nothing to do and no responsibilites. i'm so lazy that sometimes it's sad. i hate that beginning of the year stupor, where you're trying to fall back into the pattern of things. the days seem sooo long. like by 7th hour, 1st hour feels like it must have been a year ago. and i really don't like having first lunch. by 7th hour i'm already hungry again and the second half of the day seems longer when you have 3 classes instead of 2. plus i miss lunches last year, where half of our conversations had to do with twilight (i removed that series from all of my favorites list. breaking dawn ruined it for me.)

but i'm in such a good mood right now, because of this mtv video: http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1592999&vid=266890
that made me so happy!

ALSO: TEAM DEAN!
it's so cool that we won a SIGNED POSTER!!!! it would've been even better to have won a day with dean, but that would've been a little weird. i imagine the meeting would go like this:
dean: so, hi!
carrie: hi!
me: um.
laura: hello!
maggie: hi?
molly: so... yeah.
dean: so, you girls want to go for a run?
me: well... it's kind of hot.
dean: oh...
carrie: we could... um...
laura: we could go later in the evening, when it's cooler!
dean: that's the spirit!
maggie: i don't want to run
molly: so, uh...
me: i'm hungry. let's go to dairy queen! SHOTGUN!
carrie: damn you!
molly: I CALL IT ON THE WAY BACK!
dean: wtf? *random insight into his mind, which i'm sure is an amazing place: this is very awkward*

(random cutelli: GET ON THE GRAVY TRAIN!)

MICHAEL PHELPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

michael phelps amazes me. it was kind of funny, how stressful i felt when he was swimming, and he looked so cool and calm.
but WOW. last night we were sitting in molly and maggie's basement, literally counting down the minutes until michael phelps came on, and then started screaming like nuts when he came out, and when he started sswimming we started doing that tense thing, where you clutch stuff and your eyes get all wide and we were screaming during the entire relay, and then lezak dove in, and it was all on him, and by this point we were screeching and the other guy was so close and then HE. WON.
and we exploded. we all leapt up and hope, megan, carrie, and i started jumping up and down on the couch just screeching those enormous fangirly screams and leaping everywhere, and it was amazing. michael phelps is just the coolest person ever. i think i love him.

goals

much as i would love to deny it, school is very, very soon. these are the last 2 days of absolute freedom before xc starts on monday (and due to nuevos amigos, i get to go straight from that to orientation stuff monday and tuesday. oh boy.) and it's back to school on thursday.
i was at school today, getting my yearbook, and they were getting everything situated again, setting things back up, and all i wanted to do was tear it all down. i love my routine of doing nothing. even though i get up really early, half of the time i go back to bed. but i like having nothing that i have to do. wake up, run, eat, sleep, hang out with friends. good rhythm! and now... ugh.

so i do, of course, have my yearly school year goals, this time in blog form, so i know that i can't just say that i forgot them, when, really, i just got lazy.

School Goals:
* no b's. a's and h's. i don't care how freaking hard it is, i better do this.
* at least one h, either semester. just one tiny little h. just one.
* actually be involved in history club. yes, it did start out that i joined because i liked the shirts. but history is, actually, pretty cool. and mrs. boles could totally tell that i just wanted the shirt.

Running Goals:
* 6:45 mile. um?
* 24:00 5k. i don't want to push it, and i might come back and revise this after i get in some more timing, because i know i've changed since the last time i timed something.
* i'm not quite sure about track goals... more later.

Misc. Goals:
* get 50k for nanowrimo! actually write and pace this year, instead of getting behind, cramming like freaking nuts, and then just quitting.
* at least one article in the pathfinder. should this be in school?
* this is kind of school, but it doesn't actually need to be done yet, i'm just going to do it anyway. acts. i know that i can take them soon, and i want, um, 26? for my first time. i think 27 is automatic admission into mizzou, which would make things really, really easy.

Goal That Will Make All of This Possible:
* um, don't die in the attempt.

braces free :D

so i am offically rid of the burden that is braces!!!
i got them off yesterday, and have been eating crap ever since, mostly because i can. giant pretzel sticks that i don't have to snap apart, caramel popcorn, corn on the cob (well, that's not crap)
it feels really weird to bite ice, and i even went to put my rubber bands on and fumbled for a second until i realized that i don't need them anymore.
i look really different!

weird dream

i had the weirdest dream today.
i'm dog/house/bird sitting while my aunt and uncle are away, so i was at their house, keeping teh dog (bandit) and the bird (lily) company when i fell asleep on their couch. first i was at a party at katherine's house, and no one was very nice to me, which was seriously pissing me off. then i "woke up" (but i didn't really) and i was in the chair and i looked up at my mom and asked how i got there and she said she didn't know. then i was at carrie's house, only that it was still my aunt and uncle's house, i just thought it was hers. so i started wondering why i was sleeping on the couch when her large and comfortable bed was down the hall, away from the barking dog and screeching bird. and then i was at katherine's, and all these little kids were running and i was trying to chase them, but i couldn't catch them. so i went upstairs with katherine and carrie and ran around the corner and down the hall and opened the door to an unfamliar room (which should have been katherine's) and she and carrie started laughing and i looked around and din't recognize where i was. katherine said that they re-did it, and i got really mad that she didn't tell me and was laughing like a crazy person. so we went into her real room and turned on the tv, and muse was playing! so i moved over towards carrie and started singing, and she said "will amy please stop yelling!" and she never ever yells at me, so that was the last straw, and i left. and suddenly i was on this weird road trip with my parents, but they were in the car and i was running alongside it. when they stopped for gas, i really did wake up.
i looked around, looked at my mom, and rolled off the couch. i thought that it was probably really late, but my mom said that i had only been asleep for a half hour. so i thought maybe i was still dreaming, and i pinched myself. it hurt. so i was awake.
that was a really weird and complicated dream to have in 30 minutes.

Harry and the Potters

ok. wow.
the harry and the potters concert tonight was so freaking epic.
they had uncle monsterface and math the band play short sets before them, but there wasn't a huge amount of enthusiasm for these. i mean, there was jumping and screaming, but nothing compared to what came after.
because after uncle monsterface and math the band got off, harry and the potters set up, and they freaking rocked the place. everyone crowded the stage so that it was nearly mosh-pit like. screeching. jumping dancing. awesome music. everything was just this blast of music and dancing like crazy and jumping up and down. i mean, get a huge group together of people who really like a band. give them the band live, music pulsing, their friends right there, and an incredible amount of energy. see what happens. i don't have to see, i just did. it was just.... i can't describe how amazing it was. and harry and the potters aren't even my favorite. if the ministry of magic, or moaning myrtles, or parselmouths, or marked as his equal were here, it'd be 10 million times better, which is almost inconceivable. plus i got a save ginny weasley shirt!
it took my mind off of the epic fail of breaking dawn.

seriously, stephenie? seriously?

SPOILERS BELOW




i am very disappointed.
extremely. about 200 pages into breaking dawn i wanted to scream.

so i went into the book thinking that maybe the characters wouldn't seem to stupid in this one. that maybe edward would grow a personality. that maybe bella would realize she was throwing away her life, and everything her parents wanted for her, and hurting her parents and would maybe wise up and tell edward to beat it.
but, of course, it did not go like that.

this is where the spoilers start. i found it pretty stupid that they honeymooned on a island, especially one named after esme. 50 pages in and i already smelled a bad fanfic. but it wasn't a fanfic, this was the real breaking dawn. crap.
then the laughing started. (ok, the laughing started on the first page of chapter 2, where i started at borders with laura while waiting for carrie to get her book, and laura and i started laughing like maniacs to a hilarious scene. we were crying laughing. people were looking.) pregnant? really? so those things i had passed off as fake spoilers, because i found them too stupidly ridiculous to be true, actually were real. wow. and then it just ended.
jacob's pov?! i don't WANT jacob's pov! the twilight series centers around bella, not a sexual predator giant dog. (jacob bashing is almost as fun as edward bashing) and it went on like that forever. that's when i got really mad. had i seriously waited months and months for this? i hated the first half of the book. it was stupid. a baby thriving off of bella, slowly killing her? bella sipping down blood? not wanting people to help her? wow. just wow. it was beginning to really sound like a horrible fanfic and one of those dvds they sell at the walmart checkout line for a dollar. i was really mad. i hadn't braved the fangirls for this (even though i had a fantastic time at the release- more below :)) and edward seriously just plunged a needle into bella's hard to turn her into a vampire? now it's just an uncreative fanfic.
although i was actually happy to see him imprint on nessie. (though i prefer her middle name- carlie. much better.) that part, at least was good, although i was expecting him to imprint on leah.
then, finally, bella's pov. and it was no better. i was interested in her new senses, but i felt that she acclimated too quickly. everything felt too choppy and too quick, like she was rushing. and bella is stupid. i felt kinda bad for jasper, though. but seeing and tasting dust? come on.
and the entire thing with the volturi was unneeded. it was stupid filler and was just a bunch of people standing around arguing.
everytime i think about it i just get so mad. i went to the release party. i got home at 1:30 and stayed up reading it until 7:30 in the morning (which was actually a long time, but it took me a while to get through a lot of the parts. specifically the stupid ones. which were 85% of it.) i went running at 8 and now it's 11 at night. and yesterday i got up at 7, so i've been 40 hours with no sleep.


SPOILERS ENDED
ok, now to the fun part!

the release party was AWESOME.

we made signs insulting edward and jacob (which were vandalized by unintelligent "huh?"s and "but edward's hawt"s really? he's pretty? well that changes everything. who cares if he's a blood sucking vapid stalker if he's cute.) and hid behind displays to see people's responses.
this is laura's very well written letter (that was vandalized by people who cannot read or think for themselves)
they was a huge amount of screaming at midnight, and we screamed along, partly because screaming is fun, and also because we were making fun of people. they did not realize we were making fun of them. then it was our turn to be fangirly when laura and i got ours and went to a corner to read while carrie stood in line for her book. but there were these girls a few feet from us flipping open to random pages and reading out loud. people were giving them horrible looks and we kept asking them to stop and were plugging our ears and they just looked at us. stupid people annoy me. a lot.

breaking dawn and harry and the potters

breaking dawn tonight!!! i'm excited, but definetly not as excited as i was for any of the harry potters. i've been hearing some funny fake spoilers, too, this is a convo in yahoo answers:
random person: i hear bella gets pregnant!
random weirdo: WTF edward's an incubus?
i had to look that up on wikipedia, and it says: "In Western medieval legend, an incubus (plural incubi) is a demon in male form supposed to lie upon sleepers, especially women, in order to have sexual intercourse with them."
HOLY CRAP THAT'S HILARIOUS. i almost wish edward was that, just because everything would get quite funny.
"some sources indicate that it may be identified by its unnaturally cold penis" edward is cold- he's a vampire. can he be BOTH?!
ok. i really do hope that by some weird twist all that is true. that would ruin the books, of course, but the fangirls would get really upset, and they're creepy. i don't really like any of the characters. team jacob? no he's a loser. team edward? no he's a creeper and a stalker and also a loser. bella's not in love with him- she's obsessed with him! TEAM ERIC YORKIE. eric, at least, i can give a break. he's not quite mike newton level creepy, and if he was better groomed he'd be good.
the release party should be fun, though!

TOMORROW.
HARRY AND THE POTTERS!
now, hatp are definetly not my favorite wrock band (my favorites are: ministry of magic, marked as his equal, oliver boyd and the rememberalls, roonil wazlib, the moaning myrtles, and the parselmouths), but they're pretty cool. and i've never been to a wrock concert!

dean karnazes ftw

i saw a movie tonight about dean karnazes and his 50 marathons in 50 states in 50 days journey. and at the end, he talked about how some people run away from things, and some people run to things.
which am i?
i started out by running away. i was running from my ghosts, in a way. i think i was running from myself.
then it slowly morphed into running to something by running away, if that makes any sense. the further away that i got from whatever i was running away from, the closer i got to what i was running to. i was running away from myself, but i was also running to myself.
now what? i think i'm running to things. somedays i run away. earlier this year i did a lot of running away. i try to run away from running, but that never works very well. maybe i just want to think i'm running to something, when, really, i'm not moving at all.

hp trailer!!!!!!!!!

ok, the fact of my nerdiness has already been established. but seriously, i'm getting fangirly lately. especially about.... THE HARRY POTTER TRAILER!!!!!
i've been waiting since last july for this. and now it's out and it's SO. GOOD.

wow, looking down through the snow at hogwarts is so cool. everything looks so dark and dangerous. or maybe i just expect it to look like that.
i really like the music for this one, it's creepy.
LOL when dumbledore shows harry the memory, i like the guy in the picture behind him.
sweet tempo speed-up when the WB logo shows up, too
and i absoluetly love old-time dumbledore. he looks like a mini-hagrid with that hair. and the flowers- yes!
tom is so cute!!!
ok, the speeding up and the choppiness is so perfect. everything feels so dark and creepy and awesome. keymash time: diohgdoisyrujsbnkl!!!!!!!!!!!!
"i can speak to snakes, too. they find me, whisper things." is that only funny to me?
i like the flashes of voldy, right after his young self. he went through a michael jackson type thing.
"to know the future, return to the past."

WEEK OF MAC AND CHEESE MAYHEM!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, have you ever seen mac and cheese crackers? i thought they'd taste like cheetos. i don't like cheetos. BUT THEY DON'T! i highly suggest buying them, because i'm eating some right now and they are SO GOOD. it's like my easy mac got even easier and crunchy and puffy and powdery in the best possible way. MAC AND CHEESE CRACKERS FTW!!!

ok, so this is one hell of a week. wednesday's my friend's party (he used the fb description "night of mayhem," though i find it highly unlikely that he would be the one causing the mayhem. no, that's more like me :)) thursday night is the one-time showing of the dean karnazes movie. if you don't know who he is, google him. he's my hero. seriously. i love him. friday- holy shit. midnight (so that's really like saturday but whatever) is the release of breaking dawn!!! and even though edward and bella annoy the crap out of me, i love twilight. so much. so i will be there, at midnight, getting my book! and then i'll stay up all night to read it (just like i did for harry potter, but no book series could ever mean as much to be as harry potter does. twilight doesn't even compare.) and then i have to sleep all day for the harry and the potters concert saturday night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which, if i prod my friend enough, will end in a sleepover at her house, which is my favorite house, other than mine. and my grandma's. i love my grandma's house.
so YES! i'm very excited for this week of MAYHEM. which will be even more mayhem if my friend lets me create at his party, and even more if my other friend's parents don't catch me causing mayhem at their house.

Holy Crap Dark Knight

i saw dark knight this afternoon and holy crap, it was amazing.

spoilers below, so if you're going to watch it stop reading



i seriously jumped about 3 feet into the air when the fake batman hit the window. i hate it in movies where they just WHAM throw something or whatever.

and i practically cried when gordon "died." i love his character and they showed him, looking like he was dead, and my friends and i all looked at each other like "wtf did they just do!" but then when he came back i got this look on my face that probably looked like i saw rupert grint. (lol, gary oldman plays gordon in batman and sirius in the hp movies, so if i had been watching the right movie, i would have seen gary and rupert at the same time... which has nothing to do with batman, but does have something to do with harry potter and rupert, which are two things that i get quite fangirly about.)

heath ledger did BRILLIANTLY. i got chills, almost. the joker was so freaky and heath did an excellent job of portraying him. definitely deserves a posthumous oscar. i started paying attention ot all of the acting, and i really think heath did the best job. that'd be such a character to play- a deranged physcopath that has this sudden to urge to kill everybody.

the directing was also fantasic. it gave you that feeling that superhero movies are supposed to- that kind of weird mix of danger and anticipation and power slipping. i love it!

my absolute favorite thing about it was how it turned to focus on human nature. when they had the two ships, both with the detonator for the other one, i was freaking out. i wasn't at all surprised that some bitches were so ready to kill the other people if it meant that they could live. i absoletly loved it when the guy got up and tried to set off the bomb on the ship with the prisoners, but then started shaking and couldn't do it. and when the prisoner got up and made that speech and took the detonator, and i really thought he was going to set it off, but then he threw it out the window. yes! that's really when you find out someone's character- when they're faced with a life or death situation (the joker said something about this, but he's a creeper and enjoyed it when they turned out to be cowards) and i hope, i really, really hope beyond hope, that people can remember to be good when faced in such situations. it's so disturbing that some where so willing to just kill others so that they could live. that's their true colors. i wish that it had surprised me. i wish that i had more faith in humanity than i do. but the guy throwing it out the window did put soem more faith in there.

and the thing about dying the hero, or living long enough to see yourself become the villian. that was so good. that kind of focuses on human nature, too. you can either die when things are better, or you push through that to the very end, where all hell breaks loose, and that's when your villianous side comes out.



ok, spoilers done now. but if oyu haven't seen it yet, you have to.

37 Odd Things About Me

37 Odd Things About Me

1. Do you like blue cheese?
i really hate blue cheese.

2. Have you ever smoked?
no, and i never, ever will

3. Do you own a gun?
that also gets an emphatic no, and i never will

4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite?
um, the stainy kind?

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
no

6. What do you think of hot dogs? that they are the greatest mix of disgusting things ever.

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
a christmas story!!!

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
water.

9. Can you do push ups?
yes, but i complain a lot, even though they are important

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
i don't really like jewelry. i used to wear this one bracelet a lot, but it broke so i don't anymore. and i wear a puke shell necklace a lot, and earrings only if i have to. i hate earrings.

11. Favorite hobby?
youtube

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
sometimes i wonder

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts?
glasses, but i don't wear them a lot

14. Middle name?
lynn

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
the lyrics to the song i'm listening to, if my friend has read what i posted on her wall about seeing the dark knight tomorrow, and i'm hungry

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
water, soda, tea

17. Current worry?
nothing

18. Current hate right now?
politics

19. Favorite place to be?
i've got 3: the couch in my library, reading; my favorite tree in my yard in tampa, on a branch that was quite comfortable; and at camp

20. How did you bring in the new year?
by drinking apple cider and taking my sister to the airport at 4am

21. Where would you like to go?
london

22. Name three people who will complete this?
no one, my friends are too lazy

23. Do you own slippers?
several pairs

24. What shirt are you wearing?
a white polo my sister gave my for christmas

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
no

26. Can you whistle?
not well

27. Favorite color?
blues, pinks, and greens

28. Would you be a pirate?
hell yes, if i got to be a pirate with jack and will

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
i don't sing in the shower, but i do tend to belt out random songs in the ears of my friends.

30. Favorite Girl's Name?
melanie

31. Favorite boy's name?
i don't know

32. What's in your pocket right now?
i don't have pockets, but if i did, probably starburst wrappers

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
q: how many distance runners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
a: three. one kenyan to actually do it, and two americans to stand around wondering how they can do it

34. What vehicle do you drive?
it's not quite safe for me to be on the road at the moment, but when i'm 16 i will drive a camry

35. Worst injury you've ever had?
i've never broken or sprained anything, but i almost broke my arm in 5th grade (trying to jump from the pull up bar to the monkey bars, caught the monkey bars, and slipped) and couldn't really move it for a week

36. Do you love where you live?
i guess

37. How many TVs do you have in your house?
two

the prince's tale

i've kind of been thinking recently of the prince's tale. and i think that it's one of the saddest things i've ever heard. i'm going to ramble for the rest of this post about that.

severus saw a pretty little girl playing outside (or wherever he first saw her) and started to notice something- she was, quite obviously, a witch. so he planned and had this idea for when he was going to come out of hiding and talk to her, and then he basically blew it that day on the playground. but it was then, when they were so little, that he started to fall in love. he didn't know that it was that love that would basically control his entire life, that would lead him away from voldemort, and that would save harry- who saved the wizarding world. so, in a way, severus saved the wizarding world. in a way. but then they started hogwarts and severus met james, and james was a complete arrogant jerk. but he had a thing for lily. so severus had this enemy, and lily didn't understand why, because she didn't know severus loved her. all he could do was be her friend, and, for a few years, that worked. she hated james and loved severus's friendship. but the dark arts started to call to him. and lily, muggleborn as she was, disapproved, and she started to get suspicious about him. so came that horrible day- when james attacks severus and he called lily a mudblood. and when lily said that he called every other person of her parentage a mudblood, he couldn't say that she had never been a mudblood to him, that he loved her. but, what if he had? what if she knew? maybe she did know, but what if he told her? would everything be different?

so lily went to james, who also loved her. and severus had to watch that, he had to watch the love of his life go off with his total enemy, and fall in love with him. that must've been so unbearable. and even when she got married and had harry, he still loved her. when he heard the prophecy and went running to dumbledore, that must've been the most scared he's ever been in his entire life. he asked for help, being in a placed that would have cost him his life, had voldemort known where he was. so he asked for voldy to take pity upon lily. and voldemort did start to, but lily gave her life for harry. and that's when everything changed. severus turned everything around, going to dumbledore again and went from the death eater to the good guy, taking everything from the dark arts and turning his back upon voldemort (it's a good thing voldy was gine at that point, or he would've killed severus) to follow the path dumbledore laid out in front of him- to protect harry. and when severus saw harry for the first time, and saw how much he looked like james, but also saw lily's eyes, everything was right there. he was the son of the man he hated, so he did perceive harry to be just as bad, but he also was lily's son, and he had her eyes. and when severus saw him, everyday, he saw those eyes on the face of someone he disliked so much. so then voldemort came back, and severus was faced with what he had feared for 13 years. voldy knew who severus worked for, and severus had to try to convince him that he would be a double-agent (but really, he was double-crossing him) it would've been so easy, so simple, to turn his back upon dumbledore's plan of protecting the child he hated, but he didn't. after all those years, he still did love lily. so every second was a risk to him then.

and then voldemort told him to kill dumbledore, who also told him to kill him. and harry faced him in that corridor and screamed at him that he was a coward. but he wasn't. harry later came to realize that "he was, in fact, the bravest man [he] ever knew" (ministry of magic, 'bravest man i ever knew') and his patronus was a doe, still a doe, after lily had been dead for 16 years. "after all this time?" -dumbledore "always."-severus is one of the best quotes in the books. when he died ("look...at....me....") and his eyes connected to those eyes, so like lily's, and he saw her face, instead of harry's, in that final second. he still loved her. he gave everything, absoluetly everything, to protect harry, because he loved lily so much. he loved her for about 30 years until he died (i can't remember if lily was born in 1960 or 1961, and i really don't want to go get my book right now) and had everyone hate him, to think him a traitor, when he was really braver than anyone else. he was so clever and brave that it just kills me. the prince's tale is so incredibly depressing.