Cliche, But I'm Doing It Anyway

so, it's almost thanksgiving.
and you probably already know what to expect, but i'm going to do it anyway.

what i am thankful for: 2008
-i am thankful for my parents. they're obnoxious. ocassionally really mean. loud. annoying. but so, so wonderful. my parents were talking to me about my nano last night, and i was just swelling up with all od this appreciation for them that i wanted to cry. some kids don't get that. i get so, so mad at them sometimes, but my parents are so amazing. some parents beat or kill their kids, and i don't think about just how wonderful mine are, and how blessed i am often enough. they feed me good food, clothe me in nice clothes (even if they do say something about it at the time) buy me books, come and get me every day after school, help me with whatever i need, love me, and care for me. and what more do i need? my parents are my rocks, and i need to appreciate that more.

-my sister. yeah, we scream and fight and yell. she pisses me off in ways that no one else ever can. but she's amazing. even if she is busy and grumpy, she is there for me. whenever anything happens, i go to her. she has the experience of an old person, the intelligence of someone who's been through it all, and the love that only a sister can give you. sure, we spend most of our time fighting. but who is it that watches movies with me at 3 am? her. who is it, that if i'm upset, no matter how busy she is, she will drop everything for? her. who is it that knows me better than anyone and is an amazing person? her. i'm growing a bit weary of having her around all of the time, but i don't really mind when i stop to think about it. even if she has totally taken over my bathroom, taken my tv room away from me, and has caused me to have to rearrange my freaking room to get the stupid couch out of the tv room (which she has taken from me, as mentioned above) and get it to go nicely into my room, i love her.

-my friends. we fight (well, i fight with some of them. because others are skilled in tae kwon do, and could therefore kick my ass. and one of those skilled tkd masters i fight with anyway. but i'll shut up now.) we get annoyed, we get mad, and i make them (well, just molly and maggie) take me basically everywhere. but my friends are truly so important to me. because i know that they're going to be there for me, no matter what. these moments of complete happiness come from screaming singing in a car late at night, watching a movie and not being able to understand it because i am laughing so hard, and not being able to run because i am on the ground, rolling with laughter. and even though a lot of it is all fun and games, it isn't always. i get into deep philosophical discussions with carrie, and i cry in front of her more than i would like to admit. this comes from that complete comfort you get with a person, when you can be so weak in front of them and know that it's ok. i seriously owe so much to you guys. to carrie and katherine, for being there on one of the worst fucking nights of my life; to carrie, who has shown me that adventure is satisfying and freeing, and for teaching me the true meaning of a lot of things; to maggie, for not lashing out at me even when i am a total annoying idiot and for being someone that i can switch from laughing with to talking about something serious in like 2.9 seconds; to molly, for being someone that i can laugh with, but will also shield me, like in that completely embarassing post conference race state that i was in... that was embarassing; to megan, for being completely hilarious and caring at the same time, and for showing me that obsession isn't always creepy. except that it is. and for being the best mormon; to laura, for being adorable and smart and amazing, she can be anything at any time: a good laugh, or a shoulder to lean on (edit on december 13th... laura completely surprised me today my remembering what kind of cancer my mom had, and i only mentioned it to her once like two years ago. which makes laura amazing and one of the closest listeners ever); to hope, for also being adorable (THOMAS!) and also being so incredibly easy to talk to and comforting, all while being silly; and even to connor, for remaining my friend through all of the troubles that we have had, and for responding whenever i'm upset or need someone to talk to. and finally to audrey, who has been there longer than anyone (save for emily) and knows me so well, still able to be a friend to me, even if we are seperated by a two day drive. friendship is so important to me, and i know that i'm not a very easy person, because i am so unbelievably awkward, but i love you guys.

-being here. in all of the senses of here. i am thankful to be alive, i am thankful to be in america, and i am thankful to live where i do. i've struggled a lot with coming to terms of being here, in all of these senses (except for the america part. i don't want to live in russia.) but now that i have evolved from that, each day (here's where i get all cliche and weird) is truly a gift, and something that i should appreciate more. because you never know when everything could end, or when your world could be thrown through a spiral. i don't wake up and think "wow! today's a new day that i have so graciously been given! i think i'll make the best of it!" no, i wake up thinking "what the #&*#%( it is NOT time to get up yet you ()&#$)*^#$ phone alarm. gezz, where the (&#)$ are you! SHUT THE (&)#%* UP! IT'S COLD!" but once my mind is clear and fully awake, i really should be more appreciative to the day. ok, the annoyingly optimistic stuff ends now.

-the fact that i have everything that i need, and so much of what i don't. i take this for granted, too. because not everyone has 3 meals a day, with about 15 snacks inbetween. not everyone has a house to keep them warm and safe, and not everyone is as well off as i am. an teenagers, we take so much, but don't really think about it. at least, i don't. i thank my parents after them buying me something, because i am thankful, but i don't think about how there are so many people in the world that will never be able to do something like go to a mall. only a third of the world has a clean place to go to the bathroom. isn't that sad? it's depressing and heart wrenching. a bathroom! it's something that we all have several of, and some people have never even seen one! i am thankful that i have so much, that i have been given so much, and that i have the oppourtunity to be so much.

and i'll post more later.

on a nano note:
i've reached that place. the place that i didn't even know existed. i've reached a point where i have become so completely absorbed in my novel, that literally every second of the day, i think about it. numerous playlists on my ipod and realplayer. notes scribbled down. mysterious novel boy, who seems to have just stepped out of my computer and into my world. that odd license plate, which read the original last name of a character in my novel (which i had to change, but saying why i did would give everything away. aha! a hint!). and i'm always trying to see things from the perspective of my main character. i feel kind of bad, because i basically put these kids through hell, but i love them anyway. the possibly-physcotic and definetly dangerous one. the overly sweet one. the obnoxious, stuck up one. the too shy, deep thinking, unable o control anything one. i love them. it feels weird, sometimes, to think that you're in control of what happens. because i've kind of grown to see them as people over characters, and it's so strange to be controlling them. but i've reached this point in my nano where i am absoluetly obsessed. i will just sit there, thinking about it. completely and totally obsessed. i love this place!